You are currently browsing the daily archive for September 12th, 2008.
But what I do have is a natural way of existing no matter the situation!
It’s like magic, folks. No matter what or who or why, if you place me [yes! little ole me!] in an environment full of people and possibilities and props, this is the guaranteed position I will take up:
BASHING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL, while intermittently moaning and yelling obscenities.
Voila! My life!
I’m like those just-add-water advertisements. Take moment, add C, enjoy some discomforting comic relief as C attempts to socially lobotomize herself.
T: last night was rough
C: what’d you do?
T: drank
obviously
c’mon! im fishing for a “smart ass”
C: [mum]
where?
T: um…at the law school first…drank while watching the obama/mccain thing
and then to gin mill
for bar review
81/amsterdam
C: ew
ew ew ew
gin mill
god
i’m a big fan of gin
but of the gin mill? i am not
T: yea it was not so great
C: that whole area of the upper west side is skeevy as hell
T: i really like that area
just not that place
there are a few good places
prohibition, if its not too crowded
keeley’s
C: bleh bleh bleh
i am a strict downtowner now
i did uptown for waaay too long
T: ugh
too much effort
plus
C: i’d rather lose the cab fare
T: ill inevitably end up doing something unhealthy in penn station
like drinking more beer and eating taco bell
AT SIX IN THE MORNING
C: also, and this doesn’t mean much to you, the people downtown are MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE than those that frequent places above 25th street
that is just poor decision making on your part
T: well, now that im hanging out here
ive just recalibrated the whole system
C: i have NEVER found myself in penn station after 6 PM
T: you should check it out
C: i amend
attractive SINGLE people
T: bah
C: you don’t count
T: single shouldnt be a deterrent for you
C: you’re a eunuch
T: youre an ass
C: i’d rather be an ass
T: fair enough
C: single is a deterrent
T: get over it
you should make a living out of being “that girl”
and then extort money from the guy
or threaten to tell hi swife
that would be awesome
and then, you could write a book on your exploits
new life plan for you
yes?
C: that sounds good
might as well burn the bridges as i go
On an online forum:
A: “We’ve looked into the companies that drop off a container at your front door and then ship it to your destination. For too many reasons that doesn’t work.”
B: ” The container thing is the first I thought of. Why won’t that work? What do they do wrong? Man, I don’t envy you. Moving companies make used car salesmen look like saints.”
The voice in my head: “Saints?!” [falls out of chair] “Oh, holy God….”
And then, as I’m scrolling down through the forum, big scary numbers jump out at me, like $3K and $14K. Christ alive, why are there K’s following these numbers?!
Also, I’ve realized that nothing spawns bitter feelings quite like a cross-country move.
Here, excerpts from this website:
” If you’re moving out of an apartment, remember this simple mnemonic: Your Landlord Will Destroy You (YLWDY). The “return” of your security deposit is dependent on your ability to avoid psychological landmines the landlord has had years to hone to a razor-sharp edge….”
” Now that everything has been moved out of your living space and you cleaned it AND DON’T FORGET TO USE TOOTHPASTE AS SPACKLING BECAUSE THE ROACHES LIKE TOOTHPASTE THAT WILL SHOW THEM — SHOW THEM ALL!!!!, how are you going to get your stuff to your new home?”
[That's a disgusting little-known fact, eh?]
“Did you get rid of your furniture yet? Furniture is heavy and not worth lugging around (Here I make a special exception for period art deco furniture. If you have this type of furniture I would like to have sex with you on or near said furniture. We’ve all got our kinks, you know it, I know it, let’s just be open and honest and naked on art deco furniture about it). It is not special, and if you have furniture that has been “passed down” from generation to generation perhaps when you’re moving it there can be a comical mishap involving a high porch or a shotgun/axe/fire combo. Jesus, that’s too bad about the way you accidentally left that Explosif Plastique in your antique dresser. Do not worry, there are furniture trees growing everywhere. God is furniture heavy. STAY TUNED!”
So apparently, I’m either
[1] living in Manhattan FOREVER or
[2] getting rid of just about everything, media mailing my books, conniving other people to visit me [aka: fly out to see me for a few days before flying back with me to SF with a luggage piece full of my clothes in tow], and flying with all of my clothes. LORD HELP THE AIRLINE that loses my baggage. I will PERSONALLY castrate EVERY SINGLE employee within a thirty mile radius of that place.
